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I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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