ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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