I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i will never coherently bang her
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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