the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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