please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you had me at cake vodka
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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