OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
