I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
