I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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