Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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