When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
