In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
