so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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