my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
