So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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