did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
