Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
is wine microwaveable?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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