I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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