I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
