dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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