dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
