he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
