Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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