I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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