Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
