I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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