hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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