RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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