LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
