im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
