Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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