Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
