I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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