You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
