please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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