Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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