We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
