I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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