can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
