so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
