Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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