Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
