i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
