I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All the doctor said was why
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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