I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
