Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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