I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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