her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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