Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
