i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
