So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
