Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
