When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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