I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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