I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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