If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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