If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
