I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
