I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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