You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
