Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
