If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
