why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
