Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
