We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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