i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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