I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
