I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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