NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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