just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
