The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
