update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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