I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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