I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
