I can text with my tongue
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
