I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
