Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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