Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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