We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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