So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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