tell your sister to shave her snatch
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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