I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
