fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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