two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
