Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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